I hate the way I feel inside

I hate the way I feel inside.

Amplified mass of energy protruding from my chest slice right back inside.
Feeling like I'm coming unglued, bust out of my skin. 
A beast will eventually be unglued.
I feel crazy but all I think about is what's making me feel this way.
Of course, I'll never know to make it go away.
Insecurity is my issue but I'm living insecurely hoping today won't be the day. 
Then there's no room to be secure.
All I can do is hope I finish school.
Why is saying the truths of I might not a negative when I can't even pay my way.
The cost of a placement test now stands in my way.
Or next semester when I'll have class face to face and I don't have a way. 
It's not that I'm negative it's just that's what's always in my face.
I feel tied and locked down to a life of no life I've already lived twelve years this way.
I'm thirty four, no life of my own, no friends kinda sad every day.
I think I gave up my life the day I committed to being my imaginary friend's mother.